DEALING  WITH DIFFICULT RELATIONSHIPS

We all have to deal with relationships that grate at some point! Here is how to deal with those situations in complete calm!

TRICKY RELATIONSHIPS- HOW TO DEAL LIKE A STAR!

The Festive Season is one of THE foremost times that people fall out together. It’s a period when we are supposed to be having a wonderful time.  But the wonderful time can descend into coldness, sarcasm, hurtful comments, even full- blown screaming matches or total huffs that last for years!

Today we look at why these issues occur and what you can do to avoid them. So, here are our tips to have a calm, peaceful, enjoyable, and ambient Festive season and to deal with any difficult relationships in a satisfactory way

DIFFICULT RELATIONSHIPS- THE NEW NORMAL

The amount of people who can’t stand their mother-in-law, son or daughter in law, ex-partner, even their own brother or sister is much higher than you might think! Imagine all the possible combinations of relationships at a Festive dinner table: the mind boggles! And that’s not even to mention the pouting teenagers who are just glued to their phones! But even people who genuinely like or love each other can have sticking points, where they strongly disagree on one or more subjects. We may even adore a family member, but are terribly frustrated about them, even for them, for different reasons.

First understand if you have a difficult situation, you can’t change the other person or their personality. You may be able to get them to agree to some basic rules in advance. But the main plus point you have in reading this article, is to understand that by changing how you react, you can get better results. Find out how to deal with difficult relationships like a real shining star, here!

WE CAN’T ALL BE RIGHT!

Each of us has our own personality. We are all simply built that way. We all have our own morals, our own standards, our own objectives in life. So, its quite clear that we won’t be able to get on with everybody all the time. Throughout life we will meet people with opposing views. Or, whom we consider have lesser or very different standards than ourselves. What is acceptable to one person is not acceptable to another.

Actually, there is no absolute right or wrong. We may THINK there is, but that is purely our own personal point of view. We may even try to cite the fact that “many people agree with my point of view.” But that is not really an argument. And it certainly cannot justify you always being right about an opinion you have. Everybody’s view of the world is different. If you start to look objectively at other people’s viewpoint as an observer, and how this sits with their personality, it can be an interesting thing. Know that you have options. And here are some to help you for all kinds of different difficult circumstances, and in all kinds of relationships.

RELATIONSHIPS- DEALING WITH DIFFICULT PEOPLE

1. THE SPIRITUAL ROOT

You know you are going to have to spend time with someone you don’t much like, or possibly be in a situation where trouble may be brewing. Alternatively, you are aware that two people you are going to spend time with, have a problem with one another. Before you meet the person/people, have a good think through about their positive points. Everybody has some! If needs be, write down 3 positive points for each person concerned. This could be as basic as how they have nice outfits, are generous, like to laugh a lot, whatever. Do not dwell purely on their negative points. Equip yourself with these positive points and turn them into compliments on your piece of paper or in your mind.

2. BE SYMPATHETIC AND EMPATHETIC

Many people who are critical, angry, are inconsiderate or make snidey remarks have issues. In fact, we all have issues of some kind. But often people with serious issues have had these inflicted through their life experiences. If you know the person concerned well, then reflect on their life before you meet up with them for the big occasion. Be sympathetic to what they might have gone through. Use empathy to try to imagine how they must have felt at these difficult times and what has made them into the difficult person they are today. If you don’t know the person well, you have an opportunity to ask them about their life. Consider some questions you could ask them. Simply showing interest in all your relationships can have people’s hearts warming to you. And, you may even see another side to them.

3. TAKE OUT THE WORRY FACTOR

Sometimes our imagination can send us into a real head spin. But there is no point in predicting events and how badly they may turn out. Dreading a visit is never a good thing. It is also likely to give you a nervous, bristling energy which other people can sense. So, do a little bit of homework before the event, as we are suggesting here.

Also. make sure that when you do meet the other person or people. you feel as relaxed as possible. Allow yourself as much time as you need to get ready beforehand. Choose an outfit with care in advance. Take time to take a shower or a bath, pamper yourself. Do some deep breathing, say a little prayer, cup a crystal. Do a short meditation. Anything basically that will have you turning up on top form, and as shiny and relaxed as possible.

4. BE BIGGER THAN THEY ARE

You are a different person to everyone else. If one person reacts in an angry or impolite manner, then surely you wouldn’t want to react the same way as they do? Even with the few points we list above, you are far more likely to be in control than the other person is. So, use that to your advantage. At the first sign of any kind of conflict, you have the option to try and stop it in its tracks. See how to do this a little bit further down but bear this point very much in mind. “I am who I am. I am strong.”

5. BE THE REAL YOU IN ALL YOUR RELATIONSHIPS

In hot situations there is a temptation to want to smooth over troubled waters, or to have enough of the silliness and to chip right in! Try not to take sides. On the other hand, don’t try to be a people pleaser and say nothing either. If an argument happens which you are not involved in, do not feel obliged to interject. You will most likely only add fat to the fire. Just be plain, simple and the lovely person that you are.

6. CHEMISTRY MISMATCH

We all have our own body chemistry, but don’t forget that our minds and reactions are controlled by chemical reactions and many different hormones too. At times, if we could feed a chill pill to certain over-excited people, wouldn’t we do so? (Or perhaps take one ourselves, when our adrenaline is pumping, and we want to yell at someone!!).

But you don’t have the chill pill. So instead, just observe. If you are relaxed before you turn up and can continue to feel relaxed, you can afford to subtly observe what is going on with the other person/people concerned. Feel their energy. Understand the changes if they are having a drink, feeling disturbed, or getting crosser. If things look as if they may spiral out of control, rather than waiting until it’s too late, try some calming reactions early on.

RELATIONSHIPS: COMMUNICATION IS EVERYTHING

There are several methods that can be incredibly useful when dealing with difficult relationships. Firstly, remember that communication is not only talking, it is also carefully listening. Your body language, your breathing, your chemistry, all play a role. Be in the real moment. Observe and don’t be distracted if you are engaged in conversation, be involved with all your senses.

a) DON’T TAKE THE BAIT

Your reactions are your choice. But often, we need the time to think about what we want to answer. We can even feel that we are on the spot and don’t take the time we need. If we say the wrong thing though, it’s too late. So, one easy reaction is to implement a pause if ever you need one. You can even say “I am thinking about what to answer,” before you do.

Alternatively, you are allowed just to listen to what someone is saying and to refrain on commenting at all! “Thank you for sharing your point of view, name of person. Now, let me ask you something else. I’ve always wanted to know this about you.” This can work whether you know the person well or you don’t. Ask them a question about their recent life, where they come from, their childhood. Its rare that people can resist talking about themselves. It can be a great smoothie of a mechanism in tricky situations as well!

b)  KINDNESS IN RELATIONSHIPS

It is really hard to be rude to a kind, considerate person, who is paying you the full attention you deserve, unless you have something wrong with you. So, be kind and considerate! If the other person is aggressive or bolshy, you are not reducing yourself to their level.

c) MAKE SOME RULES

There are probably some “ hot subjects” that might need to be avoided. In general, subjects such as politics, vaccination status, vegetarianism versus meat-eating, can create problems, especially with people who have a keen interest in one or the other point of view. Make a rule to avoid these, or veer the subject to something softer if you need to.

d) DON’T’ BE THE ACCUSER

Try to avoid statements that accuse the other person. “You’re such a bore, name of person.” “Honestly, name of person. You really do go on.” “Why do you always have to spoil things, name of person!” All of these are just likely to rile the other person. If you think about it, all you will achieve is to put them into defensive mode, where their own reaction is fight or flight! Also, unnecessary statements that do not cause any positive emotions, can create the same. “I’ve really had enough of this, name of person!” Instead starting a sentence with how you feel can actually calm things down. “ I’m feeling really sad that you might think that name of person.” “ I am starting to feel a little angry that you are insisting on this point, name of person.”

e) DON’T ARGUE

It takes a minimum of two to have a discussion and two to have an argument. So, don’t be one of them. Remember, it is your choice if you wish to talk about a particular subject or not. You can be polite about refusing. You can even say you don’t feel comfortable about talking about that subject.

f) AGREE TO DISAGREE

Again, remember you are in control. So, you can agree to disagree and end a conversation politely yet firmly, and if possibly smiling naturally. “ I hear what you are saying, name of person. I can’t honestly say I agree with you, but that is not important. But, I really do understand your point of view.” Then say nothing.

g) COMPLIMENTS DETRACT

Using a compliment at the beginning of sentence can really help calm down waters. And often, the fact that you temporarily shift attention from a potentially hot situation, can be very helpful. This can even be used BEFORE you disagree with someone. “ You know, I’ve always thought that you were a person with a really lovely sense of humour, name of person. I can’t agree with what you are saying, but I guess we are entitled to different opinions.”

h) RELATIONSHIPS: ASKING PEOPLE TO DO THINGS

This applies whether you need to ask someone to stop a conversation or ask them to give a hand with something without appearing to be bossy. There are two elements here, “ Would you be able?” and after asking what it is that you want to achieve, to give a reason WHY you are asking.

Example “ Would you be able to give X a hand with the clearing up please? It would be really helpful and would allow me to get on with the washing up?” Or “ Would you be able to tell us about what its like to live in Chichester instead please? I’m sure we would all be really interested in knowing what it’s like there.”

Giving a reason is a BIG piece of psychology that can transform how people think. If you tell a child “Stop doing that!” The child will not want to. In fact, something within makes us quite cross to be told what to do. Yet, if you say, “Stop doing that please. because if you don’t, you might cut your finger,” your chances of the child stopping are considerably higher. He or she has no adverse or angry reaction.   We are all children at heart, so this technique can work with adults too.

i) A HUGGING ICEBREAKER FOR HEALING RELATIONSHIPS!

And if all else fails, you can do the unexpected! To warm up any chilly conversations, or calm things down to a warm level, you can always interject “ Do you know what, person’s name? I just want to hug you! It’s Christmas and we are here to enjoy ourselves. I really do wish you all the very best. Let’s celebrate together, forget any differences and have a lovely time.” You will often shock and stun the other person so much, that the chances they will comply, and the air will be cleared, are very high indeed!

And if you have doubts, need a moment of calm or reassurance, then our genuine Psychics, Mediums and Spiritual healers will be here throughout the Festive Season for you, whenever you need them

RING IN THE FESTIVE SEASON!